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The Dominants Role

Updated: Sep 25, 2023

Being Dominant is a state of mind. It is not a sex act, it is not a game, and it is not a role. It is a state of being and is totally asexual (neither male nor female).

First and foremost, a Dominant is always a Gentleman or Lady. There is no excuse for being impolite or rude to others. Save this for the submissive that needs and requires this of their Dominant.

Self-control, knowledge, and a questioning mind, along with the ability to listen, understand, and question, are the foundations on which a Dominant personality should be built. Next is the ability to accept responsibility. A Dominant should understand that in a Dominant submissive (D/s) relationship,

the submissive is going to place their faith in the Dom in many ways. It is inherent in a Dominant submissive (D/s) relationship that the submissive needs to give up some level of control and responsibility to the Dominant. Acceptance of that control must sit comfortably with the Dominant. To have another hand over control of their life, (or at least parts of it) to you is an awesome feeling. It

must be borne with great care, and never abused. So, a Dominant does not abuse

the power they are given. They never take that power, they are given it out of love, trust, and respect, and the feeling that they can improve the quality of another's life.

Along with responsibility, the Dominant must have patience. Patience in a Dominant is a requisite too, because there may be many times when a submissive may not reach expectations. This may not be due to any failing on the submissive's part, and so the Dominant must show patience, and a calming

influence: an ability to help the sub, to achieve what they both want, in a structured and sensible way, and never to criticize when things don't go well.

Being single-minded in what they want is another Dominant. The ability to have a vision, and through whatever gets in the way, to be able to preserve that in their mind, and make progress towards that goal, irrespective of what it might be, is likely to be another characteristic seen in most Dominants. Through all these there also remains the fact, that someone who is able to accept the

responsibility for another, make informed decisions about life altering processes,

of having an ability to manage, and accept change, and alter the plan to suit

prevailing circumstances. One's care for another must by definition take their hopes, fears, needs, and desires into account; these needs will change over time, and so, as they do, the original vision that one may have had for a relationship may well have to change. The inability to see that is not conducive to


A Dominant must always be in control if themselves.

A Dominant is always honest. To lie is to show You cannot be trusted and a sub/slave must be able to trust You to respect you. Every sub/slave knows that not every Dominant is super experienced and will respect You much more if You tell the truth. Be honest with a sub/slave about Your level of experience

with others. They can even help You to gain experience, which can be an enjoyable learning process. Tell them up-front if You do not wish a

monogamous relationship. Most submissives understand and even expect this in a Dominant. You may not get "that" sub/slave, but You will not lose her/his respect.

A Dominant expects, but does not demand respect. No Dominant demands

strangers to call him/her Master/Mistress. Respect is earned over time.

Demanding Master/Mistress on Your name means nothing and is a word that

when not earned, is meaningless and makes You appear to be petty and childish.

Those that know and respect You will call you Master or Mistress when You earn it, not before. Remember, to other Dominants, You are not Their Master/Mistress. You are Their equal. Do not demand Them too ever call You


A Dominant knows and understands the differences between needs, desires and

wants. The sub/slave may want a 24/7 relationship with an understanding

Dominant. Even in a Master/slave relationship, the Dominant must always know

if the sub/slave needs a little softer or harder touch.

The Dominant must be flexible to be a true Master. Remember, even subs/slaves have feelings.

It is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift. To misuse this gift is abusive. When the sub/slave is not free to take back the gift, it is no longer a gift.

A Dominant must take only the amount of subs/slaves they can properly handle, control, love, comfort and care for.

A Dominant should only take a submissive that will match Him/Her. A sub/slave that is not into whips should not belong to a Dominant that loves to whip submissives.

After-care by Dominant after a scene is essential to ensure the sub/slave is

emotionally stable. During a scene, they are filled with hormones. Afterwards, the body reduces them and may cause severe depression. The submissive must be made to understand the depression and or emotional release is normal and expected. Normal emotions will return in hours to a day. Anything longer is a sign of emotional instability in the sub/slave and must be corrected before doing another scene.

A Dominant HAS to know and understand what the needs, desires and wants of

a sub/slave are. Failure to do so may harm the submissive emotionally and mentally.

Things A Dom Never Do

  • To allow a sub/slave to be actually harmed in ANY way.

  • To allow a sub/slave's rights to be violated.

  • To play with and discard a sub/slave just for amusement (exception is a

submissive that has declared this is the. treatment they need).

  • Unless the sub/slave has declared themselves to be unowned, another

  • To chase after or scene with Another's sub/slave without the other

Dominant's permission and full knowledge.

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