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BDSM An Introduction

What is BDSM and what does BDSM stand for? There are many variations of

what the initials BDSM stand for, but the most widely used is Bondage,

Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.

When grouped together, BDSM springs

from the terms Bondage and Discipline (B/D), Dominance and Submission

(D/s), and Sadism and Masochism (S/M) and describes forms of sexuality that

incorporate restraint, pressure, sensation, training, and elements of both erotic

and non-erotic power exchange.


Generally, it is used as an umbrella term for a consenting adult relationship that

involves a power exchange. For example, in a Dominant/submissive relationship, the Dominant person holds authority over the submissive person.

Because of the inequality of these roles, it is important that both adults have

discussed, negotiated, and consented to their defined roles.


Bondage is any kind of item used to restrain any part of a sub/slave's body.

Most commonly used restraints are toy handcuffs, rope, or some type of quick

release or Velcro closing restraint.


Discipline is the actions taken by a Dominant to teach and prevent a

submissive from doing something that is in no way an act of willful

disobedience. Discipline does not normally include physical punishment.


Punishment is when a submissive or slave has purposely been disobedient and

has knowingly disobeyed a command or done something incorrectly brought on

by an act of defiance. In cases like these, punishment will be administered to

ensure that the submissive or slave is aware that disobedience has consequences

and it generally is not a process that any of the parties involved, enjoys. I will

touch on this more in depth later in this book.


Sadism is a source of pleasure that results from inflicting pain or humiliation or

watching pain or humiliation inflicted on a submissive/slave.


Masochism is a source of sexual/mental/emotional gratification, or the

tendency to derive sexual/mental/emotional gratification, from being physically

or emotionally abused.


Know the difference between A BDSM dynamic and abuse.



BDSM vs Abuse – What to Watch Out For

If you feel threatened in a bad way, if your submission is forced or something

about the relationship makes you think or feel bad all the time and you get no

comfort from it, it is more likely abuse than a BDSM relationship.

Telling the Difference between Consensual BDSM and abuse:

  • Restraints. Abusers tend to restrain their victims with fear and

intimidation, not safety clips and quick releases.


  • SM rarely results in facial marks or marks that are received on the

forearms (defensive marks).


  • The common areas for SM stimulation is on the buttocks, thighs, back,

breasts, or the genitals. The fleshy parts of the body can be stimulated

intensely and pleasurably.


  • D/s is about the building of a trusting relationship between two

consenting adult partners.

  • Abuse is about the breach of trust between an authority figure and the

person in their care.


  • D/s is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened

people.

  • Abuse is about the lack of respect that one person demonstrates to

another person.


  • D/s is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or

humiliation for mutual

pleasure.

  • Abuse is about a form of out-of-control physical violence and/or personal

or emotional degradation of the submissive.


  • D/s is about loving each other completely and without reservation in an

alternate way.

  • Abuse is hurtful. It is also very damaging emotionally and spiritually to

the submissive.

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