What is BDSM and what does BDSM stand for? There are many variations of
what the initials BDSM stand for, but the most widely used is Bondage,
Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.
When grouped together, BDSM springs
from the terms Bondage and Discipline (B/D), Dominance and Submission
(D/s), and Sadism and Masochism (S/M) and describes forms of sexuality that
incorporate restraint, pressure, sensation, training, and elements of both erotic
and non-erotic power exchange.
Generally, it is used as an umbrella term for a consenting adult relationship that
involves a power exchange. For example, in a Dominant/submissive relationship, the Dominant person holds authority over the submissive person.
Because of the inequality of these roles, it is important that both adults have
discussed, negotiated, and consented to their defined roles.
Bondage is any kind of item used to restrain any part of a sub/slave's body.
Most commonly used restraints are toy handcuffs, rope, or some type of quick
release or Velcro closing restraint.
Discipline is the actions taken by a Dominant to teach and prevent a
submissive from doing something that is in no way an act of willful
disobedience. Discipline does not normally include physical punishment.
Punishment is when a submissive or slave has purposely been disobedient and
has knowingly disobeyed a command or done something incorrectly brought on
by an act of defiance. In cases like these, punishment will be administered to
ensure that the submissive or slave is aware that disobedience has consequences
and it generally is not a process that any of the parties involved, enjoys. I will
touch on this more in depth later in this book.
Sadism is a source of pleasure that results from inflicting pain or humiliation or
watching pain or humiliation inflicted on a submissive/slave.
Masochism is a source of sexual/mental/emotional gratification, or the
tendency to derive sexual/mental/emotional gratification, from being physically
or emotionally abused.
Know the difference between A BDSM dynamic and abuse.
BDSM vs Abuse – What to Watch Out For
If you feel threatened in a bad way, if your submission is forced or something
about the relationship makes you think or feel bad all the time and you get no
comfort from it, it is more likely abuse than a BDSM relationship.
Telling the Difference between Consensual BDSM and abuse:
Restraints. Abusers tend to restrain their victims with fear and
intimidation, not safety clips and quick releases.
SM rarely results in facial marks or marks that are received on the
forearms (defensive marks).
The common areas for SM stimulation is on the buttocks, thighs, back,
breasts, or the genitals. The fleshy parts of the body can be stimulated
intensely and pleasurably.
D/s is about the building of a trusting relationship between two
consenting adult partners.
Abuse is about the breach of trust between an authority figure and the
person in their care.
D/s is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened
people.
Abuse is about the lack of respect that one person demonstrates to
another person.
D/s is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or
humiliation for mutual
pleasure.
Abuse is about a form of out-of-control physical violence and/or personal
or emotional degradation of the submissive.
D/s is about loving each other completely and without reservation in an
alternate way.
Abuse is hurtful. It is also very damaging emotionally and spiritually to
the submissive.